Narcissism simply put from a Christian perspective is Sinful selfishness that demonstrates the stubborn refusal to submit to the Lord Jesus Christ and what the Bible determines as righteous, selfless, and moral behavior. A narcissist believes that they determine what is right, good, and moral above all. Their belief is based on their own conjured up idea of morality based on themselves, not on God. This extreme self-absorbed behavior, engineers everyone around them, including the Bible and God to conform to what feeds their insecurities and fears, not what is true. Narcissism can, and in many cases show itself as passive-aggressive in nature. This means an individual who is sweet, nice, and appears to be very caring can be a narcissist. Many times, throughout my career as a clinical Christian family life marriage counselor, I have seen where a husband or wife dragged their spouse into my office because of repeated infidelity. They didn’t bring them in for counseling because of their infidelity only, but to manipulate me, “the counselor” to make their spouse conform to a forced loyalty. The narcissist doesn’t want the spouse recovered through repentance, truth, and conviction, they want power and control.
The passive aggressive narcissist doesn’t even want the cheating spouse to get out of their life and marriage, they want long term punishment for the next twenty years of marriage. They will tolerate the infidelity as long as the offender is punished for hurting and embarrassing the narcissist. The offended narcissist will “forgive” infidelity as long as they don’t lose the battle. This is not love, or righteousness, it is power and control to not allow the other partner to get the upper hand. The offended narcissist wants their dysfunctional marriage more than wanting repentance, justice, and recovery. A narcissist can and does look like the victim, and the pitied one who is so forgiving and tolerant for not wanting a divorce. Many times, the narcissist is loving, tolerant, and sweet only for revenge. These self-centered individuals can appear to be so altruistic, but only for the purpose to gaslight and project shame for years to come.