by Dr. Tom Joseph Ph.D

 

Codependency is when an adult person continues to be dependent, committed, dedicated, and loyal to another who continues to exhibit unhealthy poor behaviors which causes ongoing distress, pain and abuse.
What is really interesting, is that codependents, whether or not they are male or female, think that because they are giving, loving, forgiving, kind, sensitive, understanding, tolerant, sacrificial, trustworthy, and completely committed, that they are not wrong in their motivations. When in all reality, these attributes they exhume are done out pure survival and self-focus. A codependent believes that if they continue to lavish their loved ones and friends with altruistic mush, that the “loved one” will naturally reciprocate these qualities back to them and thus make life easier and better for the codependent. The codependent believes in positive karma, what goes around comes around. They cannot fathom that another person is capable of not giving back or appreciating their efforts. The codependents idea that overly giving and exaggerated kindness to even the worst offenders, will somehow soften their evil mean heart. This presumptive illusion gives the codependent a glimmer of hope that they would be appreciated, loved and praised for such goodness. When these acts are not realized, and even rejected by abusive unhealthy people in their life, the codependent plummets into a depression and sadness that is hard to get them out of. This sadness then becomes an attention getter for others to run to their rescue and tell them how important and wonderful they are for giving so much.
Even though codependents act as if they want no praise or attention, they are a black whole of gravitational pull for every possibility to receive recognition for their accomplishments. It is worthy to note, that most codependent people are the first to come to an irreparable point in a marriage more than any other type of personality. In my counseling practice, I have witnessed codependents suddenly shut their spouse off like an outside water facet. The bewildered spouse of fifteen or twenty years said they had no idea there was a problem in the marriage until the day they were served.
For more help with codependency, contact me at www.atthewell.net .